Everything is "Wa-wass" (Communicating with a Toddler)

My daughter, Sophia, just turned 2 and for the last few months her vocabulary has been increasing exponentially. From the time she wakes up in the morning, to when she goes to bed at night, she basically talks non-stop (excluding her afternoon nap thankfully). It is really wonderful seeing the way she is learning and developing, but communication definitely isn’t without its challenges (both for her and me)!

EVERYTHING IS “WA-WASS”

Although her vocabulary has increased so much lately, there are still many words Sophia doesn’t know or can’t remember. So she’s made up this word, “wa-wass”, which she uses whenever she’s not sure of the right word to say (this happens a lot)! It drives me a bit crazy because EVERYTHING is wa-wass but somehow I am meant to figure out what she wants! She gets frustrated that she can’t make me understand, I get frustrated because she just keeps repeating this word over and OVER … you get the picture.

HOW MUCH DOES SHE UNDERSTAND?

Sophia’s limited vocabulary also makes it hard to know exactly how much she understands. Does she hear the equivalent of “wa-wass” when I’m telling her something? She isn’t able to repeat back instructions to me, so it’s hard to know for absolute sure. However, I suspect that she understands almost everything when I take the time to explain it to her. If I ask her to put something in the bin, get her shoes, put her plate on the bench or anything like that, she will do it without hesitation (for the most part!). Then there’s the guilty look she gives me when I catch her doing something I’ve told her not to. But the thing that speaks to me the most is the difference it makes to her behaviour when I talk to her about what is about to happen and what my expectations are of her before doing it.

MY EXPERIMENT

For example, I was having trouble with Sophia misbehaving while doing the grocery shopping. Being a toddler, she wants to touch and hold EVERY SINGLE ITEM I put into our trolley. However, many items are not suitable for a toddler to hold because of the very real risk of her dropping, breaking, spilling or otherwise damaging them! She was having trouble accepting this when I would tell her she couldn’t hold something and would continue to ask; whinging, whining and even crying when I stood my ground. We had a very tiring and exasperating few shops before I decided this needed addressing. The next time, when we got to the shops and I put her in the trolley, I looked into her face and said something like this:

“Sophia, Mummy needs to do the grocery shopping now. I want you to help me by not asking to hold the things I am putting into the trolley. If you REALLY want to hold something and you ask Mummy, I want you to listen to the answer I give you – if I say no, you must STOP asking, say “ok Mum” and not whinge or cry about it. If there is something I think you can safely hold, I PROMISE I will give it to you without you asking me. If you can do this, it will really help me and I will be very pleased.”

It was an experiment really – I didn’t know if it would make a difference – it was a fairly long speech to give a toddler and I wasn’t too sure if she’d understand every word! But I’m fairly confident now that she at least got the gist of it, because her behaviour during that grocery shop was much better. The few times she did start to whine, I only had to remind her of our talk at the beginning and she stopped. The message had finally gotten through! 

AN EXERCISE IN PATIENCE

Watching my daughter learn the art of communication has really been fascinating for me. It has also highlighted how important good communication is – it is just so frustrating for everyone involved when one person is saying “wa-wass” (literally or metaphorically) and the other doesn’t know what that means. It has been an exercise in patience for me to 1) take the time to try to work out what Sophia is telling me and help her with the right words and 2) take the time to clearly communicate with her my expectations of her behaviour until I am confident the message has been received. And it’s the amount of repetition required that REALLY tests the patience!

GOD’S PATIENCE WITH ME - AN INSPIRATION

Thankfully, I know God doesn’t ever hear “wa-wass” when I talk to him – he knows exactly what I mean, probably better than I do. But I think I often hear a metaphorical “wa-wass” from him – I read his Word, but I don’t really understand it. He is just so patient though – he continues to bring ways and means along to help me get it – books, conversations, life metaphors, moments of epiphany where his Spirit reveals the truth. I could give examples but that is not the purpose of this post. Suffice it to say, recognising God’s patience with me is a big help when I need to be patient with Sophia in communication. I think Matthew 10:8 probably applies here: “Freely you have received, freely give.” May God help me to do it better.