Honesty: Confronting or Comforting?

I think I am a relatively honest person. I cannot claim, of course, to be 100% honest because of this little thing called sin that still resides in my heart (and maybe I deceive myself into thinking I am more honest than I actually am!) but in general, I try to be straightforward in life about who I am and what I think, and my writing also reflects that. My struggle is more the “truth with grace” side of things than the actual truth part. But that’s another topic.

I’ve been thinking lately about people’s responses to my honesty. I recently wrote a post about transitioning into motherhood in which I was very real about the challenges I faced shortly after my daughter was born and what I learnt about myself in the process. It was well received and I felt quite overwhelmed by the encouragement and support I was given from people’s interactions with the post. However, there were a number of comments along the lines that it wasn’t a very common thing for new mothers to be frank about the difficulties of having a newborn like I had been. It has made me wonder – why? Why do people (myself included) often struggle to be honest about the difficulties of life and who we really are? Why do we present this whitewashed version of ourselves and sweep all the less-than-pretty stuff under the carpet?

IT CONFRONTS ME

Maybe it’s because honesty is confronting in a lot of ways. When we are honest with others, we have to be honest with ourselves as well, and maybe realising that we aren’t as good as we want to be is just a bit scary. I’d rather believe that I am a kind, selfless, generous, patient and loving person than consider the evidence that I’m not. It makes me feel uncomfortable. But when I had my daughter, I was faced with too much evidence to deny it any longer – my response to the sacrifices I had to make clearly demonstrated that naturally, I am a very selfish person. So I own that – not in a haughty “this is me, take it or leave it” sort of way, but in a “God please change me, I’m nothing without you” way. I’m trying to embrace the “confronting-ness” of honesty, seeing it as a tool God uses to humble me so that I will depend on him and his grace more.

IT CONFRONTS OTHERS

My honesty can be confronting for others too though. Although, generally speaking, I get positive responses from people when I tell the truth about myself, there are others who give me the shocked look, the awkward laugh or the incredulous exclamation “you’re so honest!”  I don’t think I tend to have that response when other people are honest with me (I am always somewhat relieved to find out I’m not the only sinner!), so I’m not too sure why that is – maybe it’s just that the truth is ugly sometimes, and people prefer to see their world as more perfect than it is. Positivity gone to the extreme, perhaps? If anyone can shed some light, please tell me! Anyway, that sort of response is never very encouraging, and can leave people feeling regretful that they were honest in the first place, and reluctant to be so again. 

IT COMFORTS ME

Honesty is also comforting though. Once I get past the initial confrontation of “oh my gosh, is that really me???” when I recognise a fault in myself, there is huge comfort in knowing God looks with favour upon those who are honest about their sin and are humbled by it.

God doesn’t want us to pretend to him (or others) that we are really good and have it all together – he knows the truth and he thinks it is pretty pathetic when we try to hide it. That’s why there are repeated commands in the Bible to confess known sin to him – there can be no forgiveness without confession and repentance, and no help either. We must confess our wrongdoing, throw ourselves on God’s mercy and find comfort in knowing that he will both forgive us and help us to change.

IT COMFORTS OTHERS

I am always hugely comforted when other people tell me how it really is with them – that they have struggles and faults too. Perhaps it’s a selfish response, but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone! But the Bible says that God doesn’t want us to stop there – only finding comfort in commiserating with one another that we are all sinners, which perhaps deadens some of the pain of our sin. Look at this verse with me:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 5:3-4)

Part of the “troubles” we experience in this life are our struggles with doing the same things wrong over and over again. Continual failure to be who I want to be brings me a lot of sorrow and I know that it is the same for some of my close friends who have been real with me about it. You know that sinking feeling you get when you lose your temper with your children AGAIN, after swearing to yourself that you wouldn’t after the last time? Or whatever it is for you! Trouble because of sin is very real.

If we are honest about it, we can comfort each other in that trouble though – with the comfort that God has given to us. And what is that? Well, that he offers forgiveness freely through Jesus, as well as “grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Praise God, this comforts my soul so much.

SO LET’S BE HONEST

Yes, honesty can be confronting. It can be shocking to recognise the faults in ourselves and others. We need to get past that though, because ultimately honesty is meant to bring comfort. Comfort from God when we confess our sin and receive mercy and forgiveness from him. And comfort from others who encourage us that we are not alone and that God can help us, the way they have experienced his help with “sin trouble” in their own lives.

So let’s be honest, shall we?

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

Do you find honesty confronting or comforting? Do you think we should be more honest with each other about the struggles in our lives, as well as the joys? Is there a limit to how honest we should be?