I think I
am a relatively honest person. I cannot claim, of course, to be 100% honest
because of this little thing called sin that still resides in my heart (and
maybe I deceive myself into thinking I am more honest than I actually am!) but
in general, I try to be straightforward in life about who I am and what I
think, and my writing also reflects that. My struggle is more the “truth with grace”
side of things than the actual truth part. But that’s another topic.
I’ve been
thinking lately about people’s responses to my honesty. I recently wrote a post
about transitioning into motherhood in which I was very real about the challenges I faced shortly
after my daughter was born and what I learnt about myself in the process. It
was well received and I felt quite overwhelmed by the encouragement and
support I was given from people’s interactions with the post. However, there
were a number of comments along the lines that it wasn’t a very common thing
for new mothers to be frank about the difficulties of having a newborn like I
had been. It has made me wonder – why? Why do people (myself included) often struggle
to be honest about the difficulties of life and who we really are? Why do we
present this whitewashed version of ourselves and sweep all the
less-than-pretty stuff under the carpet?
IT CONFRONTS ME
Maybe it’s
because honesty is confronting in a lot of ways. When we are honest with
others, we have to be honest with ourselves as well, and maybe realising that
we aren’t as good as we want to be is just a bit scary. I’d rather believe that
I am a kind, selfless, generous, patient and loving person than consider the
evidence that I’m not. It makes me feel uncomfortable. But when I had my
daughter, I was faced with too much evidence to deny it any longer – my
response to the sacrifices I had to make clearly demonstrated that naturally, I
am a very selfish person. So I own that – not in a haughty “this is me, take it
or leave it” sort of way, but in a “God please change me, I’m nothing without
you” way. I’m trying to embrace the “confronting-ness” of honesty, seeing it as
a tool God uses to humble me so that I will depend on him and his grace more.
IT CONFRONTS OTHERS
My honesty
can be confronting for others too though. Although, generally speaking, I get
positive responses from people when I tell the truth about myself, there are
others who give me the shocked look, the awkward laugh or the incredulous
exclamation “you’re so honest!” I don’t think I tend to have that response
when other people are honest with me (I am always somewhat relieved to find out I’m not
the only sinner!), so I’m not too sure why that is – maybe it’s just that the
truth is ugly sometimes, and people prefer to see their world as more perfect
than it is. Positivity gone to the extreme, perhaps? If anyone can shed some
light, please tell me! Anyway, that sort of response is never very encouraging, and can leave people feeling regretful that they were honest in the first place, and reluctant to be so again.
IT COMFORTS ME
Honesty is
also comforting though. Once I get past the initial confrontation of “oh my
gosh, is that really me???” when I recognise a fault in myself, there is huge
comfort in knowing God looks with favour upon those who are honest about their
sin and are humbled by it.
God doesn’t
want us to pretend to him (or others) that we are really good and have it all
together – he knows the truth and he thinks it is pretty pathetic when we try
to hide it. That’s why there are repeated commands in the Bible to confess known
sin to him – there can be no forgiveness without confession and repentance, and
no help either. We must confess our wrongdoing, throw ourselves on God’s mercy
and find comfort in knowing that he will both forgive us and help us to change.
IT COMFORTS OTHERS
I am always
hugely comforted when other people tell me how it really is with them – that
they have struggles and faults too. Perhaps it’s a selfish response, but it’s
nice to know that I’m not alone! But the Bible says that God doesn’t want us to
stop there – only finding comfort in commiserating with one another that we are all sinners, which perhaps
deadens some of the pain of our sin. Look at this verse with me:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 5:3-4)
Part of the “troubles” we experience in this life are our struggles with doing the same things wrong over and over again. Continual failure to be who I want to be brings me a lot of sorrow and I know that it is the same for some of my close friends who have been real with me about it. You know that sinking feeling you get when you lose your temper with your children AGAIN, after swearing to yourself that you wouldn’t after the last time? Or whatever it is for you! Trouble because of sin is very real.
If we are honest about it, we can
comfort each other in that trouble though – with the comfort that God has given
to us. And what is that? Well, that he offers forgiveness freely through Jesus,
as well as “grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Praise God, this
comforts my soul so much.
SO LET’S BE HONEST
Yes,
honesty can be confronting. It can be shocking to recognise the faults in
ourselves and others. We need to get past that though, because ultimately
honesty is meant to bring comfort. Comfort from God when we confess our sin and
receive mercy and forgiveness from him. And comfort from others who encourage
us that we are not alone and that God can help us, the way they have
experienced his help with “sin trouble” in their own lives.
So let’s be
honest, shall we?
Amen!! This is so good. I think a great reason for honesty, which you touched on in your last post, is that it gives others a chance to comfort you. When I shared about having PPD, I was overwhelmed by the response from other mothers who let me know that I wasn't alone and who came alongside me with advice and prayer. Being honest and vulnerable is the only way to grow any relationship, especially the one we have with Jesus <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post!
So true, it's sad to think what we may miss out on by choosing to present a certain image of ourselves that isn't the truth. So glad to hear that you had support in your journey with PPD - it's a tough thing to go through.
DeleteI feel the same way girl! I have always been pretty honest and vulnerable with myself and others, however I have been trying to learn to take my honesty with a kinder approach instead of just going in headstrong and opinionated. Thank you for sharing your honesty!
ReplyDeleteYeah there are definitely good and bad kinds of honesty! Truth without love and grace rarely does a lot of good, and I am also learning to be thoughtful and considerate in the way I voice my opinions. We're all works in progress :-)
DeleteI find honesty to be extremely comforting. The only person you are hurting by being dishonest is yourself. Thanks for being so open and sharing with us all!
ReplyDeleteWe definitely hurt ourselves most with dishonesty, and miss out on a world of comfort and help. It can take a bit of bravery, but I say it's worth it :-)
DeleteHonesty is the best policy! You have to be honest with yourself first to be honest with others.
ReplyDeleteVery true! You also have to be honest with yourself first before any change is possible. Thanks for your comment :-)
DeleteHonesty is definitely comforting as a mom because it's easy to feel like your doing everything wrong and messing up your kids somehow (at least it is for me) so it's extremely comforting when moms are honest about their daily struggles etc.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to know we're not the only ones muddling through, isn't it? I think support and encouragement from one another is so valuable in giving us the strength to keep on going and keep on trying. We can learn from each other too, and perhaps find solutions to the problems we're up against.
DeleteI think when we honestly share our struggles it helps others feel safe enough to share their's too. The key is knowing what is over-sharing and being careful to not expose our hearts to those who don't have good intentions towards us (gossips, those who are envious etc). We also fight against social media and people wanting to post a perfect life - it makes it harder to share the lowlights of our own lives when others are blasting us with the highlights of theirs! Great post Hannah and I think being real and authentic is something we all need to aspire too.
ReplyDeleteThat's a really good point - we do have to be careful about how much we reveal to who. It makes sense that those who are closest to us would know the most about the real "us", and those we don't know so well will get more of a general picture (maybe just a general admittance of struggling in a particular area rather than all the details!) I think it requires wisdom to know when, where and how much to share - fortunately we have the God of all wisdom who can give this to us bountifully when we ask :-). I think the important thing is to be striving to be authentic ourselves, no matter what others may be doing around us. xox
DeleteHonesty can be both comforting and confronting. But I absolutely love it. I admire transparency. There is, however a time and place for everything, we just have to use our discretion. Great read :)
ReplyDeleteYes, we do have to be wise about what to reveal to whom. I think it's important to just have a general attitude of being ready to admit imperfection as well as being willing to examine ourselves for faults that we need to work on. Humility is what I aim for, and I think honesty helps in the road to achieving that :-). Thanks for your comment.
DeleteI think honesty is such an admirable quality, and I definitely want to be honest about my struggles, as well as my joys, especially with the people I'm close to. However, like you and others have said, it's so important to do this with wisdom, discernment and love. That can be particularly hard when we write about our lives in a public blog, where the potential to do damage is real. I love your honesty, and am blessed to call you my friend xx
ReplyDeleteBlogging definitely adds another level of complexity to the whole "how honest should I be?" question! I have tried to be very careful about what I write because of that whole potential to do damage by revealing things about others that they may not be pleased about! "Being real" is a delicate balance between oversharing/indiscretion and presenting an accurate picture of ourselves, and I think we need to be prayerful and considerate about it. xox
DeleteHonesty is also a process of reconciliation especially when the issue is not a pleasant one, or it is a difficult one.
ReplyDeleteWhen one is honest to oneself, one attains peace. And that leads us to be honest with others.
Personally, it is very difficult for me to be dishonest. So, being honest is comforting for me.
It can be comforting for others too when you are honest, and the other way round too.
-- Pradeep | bpradeepnair.blogspot.in
You raise a good point about reconciliation, Pradeep - it's just not possible without honesty. It reminds me of Psalm 32 which says "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long... then I acknowledged my sin to you... and you forgave the guilt of my sin." There is no peace in lying to ourselves or God about our true condition, but when we are honest we are able to have reconciliation.
DeleteAlways appreciate your thoughtful comments, Pradeep, thanks for stopping by :-)
I think being honest in this way is so important!! It is also vulnerable which is vital for good relationships. Half the reason that women are so down on themselves these days is that everyone puts on this front of perfection that no one can measure up to. If we could all be more like this then we could work to encourage each other rather than compete with each other.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up at Live Life Well!
Blessings,
Amy
Yes I think we need to get the right balance between being honest about our struggles while still maintaining a positive attitude that trusts in God. Nobody likes a complainer, but at the same time, nobody likes someone who appears to be perfect in every way! Encouraging others is definitely a great goal to aim for :-).
DeleteYes! I think honesty is so comforting although it can be uncomfortable at times. I always feel a great sense of relief when I'm around other women who are honest and allow me to to be fully honest myself. Of course, as long as someone doesn't try to cover up rudness as honesty. Thanks for linking up with us at #LiveLifeWell
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, rudeness should never be called honesty, it's just plain rude! I always feel most comfortable with genuine women too, which is part of the reason I strive to be that way myself :-).
Delete